


So You Know It Isn't Real

by GoodIdeaAtTheTime



Category: Gundam Wing
Genre: Irascible Medic Heero, M/M, Pining, Post-EW, Prose so purple you could dress the whole Roman Senate, Trope: love potion, and they're roommates, mentions of sexual assault of a background character, potentially triggery breach of boundaries due to lack of trust, very bad science
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-09-04
Updated: 2017-11-06
Packaged: 2018-12-23 18:39:14
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 4
Words: 18,502
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11995671
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/GoodIdeaAtTheTime/pseuds/GoodIdeaAtTheTime
Summary: After extraction from a mission gone awry, Wufei notices some unusual side effects. After recruiting Heero to find a cure, Wufei just has to wait it out until a solution is found. And remember it's entirely synthetic...For the Gundam Wing End of Summer Tropefest 2017.





	1. Chapter 1

The cocktail of drugs they had him on were enough to make things extremely fuzzy. He wasn’t sure if he slept most of the time, or if he just forgot what happened when he was awake. Everything felt like a dream, distant and wrapped in clouds.

He knew he shouldn’t like it, could feel the back of his mind somewhere deep trying to struggle against it, but he couldn’t remember why. Didn’t have the control to investigate further.

So he drifted.

Occasionally he vaguely remembered people coming in, talking to him – although they sounded muffled, far away. Hard to understand.

Like now, there was a voice somewhere to one side of him. He could just about make out a tone, sneering, taunting, but there was no sting through the fog that surrounded him. Then noises, scuffles and a strange, desperate, gurgling sound. Those seemed important. Why? Didn’t matter, he should look anyway.

It took a moment, and a lot of concentration – he nearly lost it, nearly forgot what he was doing halfway through the motion – but he managed to roll his head to the side, towards the noise. There was a figure, prone, on the floor, bleeding profusely from a deep wound in his throat. All over the floor, a puddle, mirror-bright, forming around his face.

Crouched over him was a man, dressed all in black, cleaning a wicked-looking knife on the bleeding man’s shirt, before sliding it away. He had a long, chestnut braid, bold against the black of his jacket, and for a moment he was lost, tracing the weaving of it, in and out, with flecks of red and gold as he moved – hypnotic, distracting. What was he looking at again?

The pattern was gone, and then there was a face looming over his. Familiar – very familiar. Warmth curled through him and tingled across his limbs pleasantly, and he thought perhaps he was smiling in response to the smile he was seeing, the large blue-purple eyes with mingled tones, as distracting as the braid had been.

“Hey there buddy,” a voice asked, in a cheerful undertone, a deep rumble of a voice reverberating through his chest with his steady heartbeats. “How’s it goin’?”

The voice probably wanted a response, but he got distracted as the eyes – a little strained at the edges, a wrinkle between the eyebrows – darted quickly around him, looking sort-of at him, but not at his eyes. They moved so fast, they were so bright, he could just follow their progress. When he didn’t reply, they met his gaze again, frowning, and he smiled again – that was a familiar face. A nice face. Pretty eyes.

“Oh boy,” the man muttered, “You’re gonna have a helluva hangover tomorrow.”

And then arms were reaching over him, tugging at things, and there was a pulling, twinging sensation somewhere on the edge of his consciousness.

The next thing he knew the world was somersaulting and there was a surprised sound and everything tumbled around in his vision for a little while. As things rocked back into place, he became aware of a firm sensation against his back, warm and solid, wrapping around his front to his chest as well. It felt safe, secure. Nice.

There was blood on the floor. A man lying in it. The man’s blood? It was still, shiny, thick.

“Jesus you can’t even stand up, what did they dope you with?”

Then things were moving again, and there was a grunt, and he wasn’t quite sure what was happening, but the floor seemed nearer, and so did a pair of trousers, with legs in them. Legs which were moving, and he was jostled in time with them. They stepped over the man on the ground – what was he doing down there? – and paused only briefly to grab a slim black case from the cabinet by the door and stuff it into a back pocket right by his face, before they were off again.

 

*

 

“I dunno, man, he couldn't even sit upright. I only had a bike with me. I had to just camp out until he came down.”

“How would I know what with? I just know I’ve never seen him like that.”

“He's still out. Has been for hours. He's in and out, but never seems to remember the last time he was awake.”

Pressure. Intense pressure pushing down on Wufei, and out from inside him. The world was pitching from side to side and everything too harsh, too sharp. He felt like every nerve had been stripped raw, and he was over sensitised, overstimulated, in agony.

His head throbbed and his stomach clenched suddenly, painfully, and he just managed to roll to his side - to the edge of a bed - before he was retching, heaving, into a bucket someone had left on the floor beside him.

“Shit. I’ll call you back.”

The words were far too loud, a stabbing pain of bright colour behind his eyes at every syllable. And then the mattress shifted underneath him, and he let out a weak groan at the movement, but then there was a cool, wet cloth pressed against the back of his neck that felt like utter bliss. Soothing, cooling.

He lay, sprawled on his side over the edge of the bed, trying to catch his breath and spitting out bitter bile. Trying to see past the kaleidoscope of light that seemed to be trying to split his eyes open.

“It’s alright,” the voice was barely a whisper, soothing and gentle, and he thought he made a noise in response, but it wasn’t anything coherent. A whimper, maybe. “You’re okay, buddy, you’re safe.”

A hand, calloused, cold from the cloth, pushed hair away from his sweaty forehead to rest against his skin, and he felt his eyes flutter closed as the cool soothed the burning he hadn’t even registered amongst the other sensations. Felt himself relax into the touch - a good touch, a safe touch.

Something pleasant through the pain.

The hand disappeared, another cloth gently wiped at his face, and then he was carefully, carefully rolled back into the bed, sheets untangled from around him and rearranged, head propped against a pillow.

Then the weight settled again and the cool cloth was pressed against his forehead, and he managed to crack his eyes open again, force his lids apart just a sliver to squint, and oh god that hurt, at the person next to him.

“...Duo?”

His voice was dry, raspy, sore. But Duo’s face, which had been creased in a concerned frown, melted into a look of profound relief, and some kind of peace settled through Wufei's chest, some kind of strange comfort from seeing Duo relax.

“Hey stranger,” he said, and his voice was gentle, and considerably less strained than it had been before. “I’d ask how you're feelin’, but I think I can guess. Can you manage a drink?”

He wasn't sure, but allowed Duo to prop him up to take a couple of cautious sips from a sippy cup - where the hell had he got a sippy cup? The water was cool and refreshing on the way down, and immediately less so on the way back up, as Duo deftly grabbed for the bucket and rolled him to catch the water.

“...sorry,” he managed to mutter, embarrassed, as Duo settled him back against the pillows.

“S’alright, we’ll just keep tryin’. Until Heero gets here to pick us up, it's the only way to get water in you.”

Memories were coming back to him. An op - an infiltration, compromised? And then… vague half-sensations until now. He glanced sideways, saw Duo reaching over to the dresser - was this a motel? He couldn't look around to see, it made everything hurt - and taking another cloth out of a pack, soaking it from the sippy cup, and then pressing it against Wufei's cracked, sore lips.

The moisture that got into his mouth was barely enough to wet his tongue, but it didn’t make him heave, and Wufei found himself watching, mesmerised, as Duo kept resoaking the cloth, and pressing it against his mouth, letting him suck on it, slowly bringing his mouth back to normal.

The expression on his face was gentle, calm concentration, tracking Wufei’s condition.

It was fascinating.

Why had he never looked at Duo’s face like this before? Really studied it? It was handsome, warm, kind and very expressive. The line of his nose, his strong jaw, his bright, stunning eyes.

It was distracting, almost making him forget about how awful he felt. He just lay, too weak to move, watching Duo through half-lidded eyes. It took a long time to finish the water, and then the cup and cloth were put aside, and Duo rearranged the sheets again, and the pillows, trying to make him comfortable enough to fall asleep.

He wasn’t comfortable, but he was exhausted enough to sleep anyway.

As he drifted off, he had a vague thought that something still wasn’t right. But he was coming down off these drugs. That would be it.

He’d be back to normal soon enough.

  


*

  


“How are you feeling?”  
  
“Weak.”

Heero snorted softly at the disgust in Wufei’s voice, a small smirk quirking the corner of his mouth and he glanced over to where Wufei was sat on the examination bench, looking sullen.  
  
It had been a week.   
  
A week since Heero had arrived with a nondescript sedan, and Wufei had been gently bundled into the back of it, wrapped in blankets, Duo following behind the two of them on his bike.   
  
A week since they had got him safely home, in his own room, hooked up to fluids, and made it firmly very clear to Une that he would be better recovering in his own space, where he felt safe and secure. Then Heero had taken a couple of blood samples, the case that Duo had stolen from Wufei’s cell, and left him to the surprisingly careful nursing of his roommate.   
  
The cuts and bruises were healing quickly enough, and at least he could move under his own steam again. But it tired him out quickly, leaving him trembling and sweaty.

  
And he was starting to get angry at how useless he was.   
  
“It’s normal to feel weak,” Heero told him, voice even as ever, noting down Wufei’s blood pressure and undoing the cuff from his upper arm. “Most people would only just be getting over the withdrawal symptoms at this stage. You’re lucky to be up.”   
  
“Lucky,” Wufei echoed dryly, watching Heero move over to the computer to input his notes. If that’s what the kids were calling it now, being turned into a child killing machine with enhanced resistance to various chemicals, then he supposed he was lucky.   
  
It had been both a surprise, and actually not surprising at all, when Heero had announced he was undertaking medical training. Active service with the Preventers had proved difficult for him, pitching his desire to be useful and do what was right, against his wish to live peacefully and do no harm. It had caused a lot of conflict.

Plus, his rather straight-line approach to tasks had been a nightmare for paperwork. Blowing up all obstacles was great in a Gundam. Less fun when you had to fill out forms in triplicate explaining why you did it afterwards. And as a formal organisation, there was a lot more responsibility for the cost of blowing up a neighbourhood.

The conflict, stress, and lack of apparently straightforward thinking in operation completion, had meant that Heero had increasingly found himself providing a support role for missions, staying at mission control and helping coordinate, monitor, and collect intelligence. And then, through some circumstance that no-one was entirely clear on, he had started assisting Sally more in the clinic and the labs. It was like a switch had been flipped – he was working to heal, contributing to peace through positive actions.

Occasionally, still, Une would put him on active duty for severe cases. But he refused to take the lead. And he refused to carry a lethal weapon, instead utilising tasers and tranquilisers if he had to take anything.

This little lab, however, was his kingdom.

He wasn’t quite a doctor – not yet – but he had a more than passing knowledge of physiology, given his history, so his studies so far had focused on biology and biochemistry. And he was at peace.

Wufei preferred being treated by Heero over being treated by Sally. He appreciated Heero’s impassivity, his lack of desire to comfort or judge. Each case was a problem, a puzzle, and he would solve it based on facts and knowledge. The person was a secondary consideration to the puzzle. Other agents had moaned about his lack of ‘bedside manner’ – quietly, a long way from the clinic. Wufei decided not to tell them how lucky they were that they got given painkillers before Heero set their broken limbs.

He seemed happy enough with Wufei’s progress though, as he explained the chart back to his patient in his usual, measured tones. He forecast a predictable, easy recovery with the same enthusiasm given to reading out the bus timetable, or the tv listings. It was almost soothing that Heero was so unruffled.

“That’s it,” Heero told him, inclining his head in the direction of the door, letting him know he could leave. Wufei hesitated – a split-second, or less – but it did not go unnoticed. “What?”

“…There’s something else.”

“Yes,” Heero said dryly. “I assumed. From your Not Leaving.”

The glare Wufei shot him was half-hearted, the reaction an impassive, expectant expression and the unwavering focus of intense blue eyes that were probably as accurate as any of the medical equipment in the room.

“I’ve been having a… reaction,” he began, trying to find an explanation that wasn’t humiliating.

“To the drugs?”

“To Maxwell.”

 _That_ got a reaction. The barest startled expression flashed across Heero’s face, before he turned back to his notes, fingers poised above the keyboard.

“Elaborate,” he instructed. Wufei did.

He had slept almost a full day between being bundled into the car at the motel, and then decanted into his bed at home, a saline drip plugged into his arm to keep him hydrated, bucket on the floor in case his stomach rebelled. He woke up with a thumping headache, a mouth that tasted like compost, and a complete and insistent sense that something was _wrong_.

A sense which evaporated the instant he spotted Duo, sprawled in the armchair across from his bed, lazily flipping through a magazine and barely suppressing a gigantic, jaw-cracking yawn. Even in the dim light of his bedside lamp – dimmer still for being set on the floor on the opposite side of his dresser, blocking most of the light from reaching Wufei’s eyes, sparing his head – he could make out enough details to know who it was. And the second recognition was processed, the _wrong_ disappeared and instead a feeling of warmth, safety, and bliss suffused through his entire body, leaving him tingly and slightly breathless.

All he could do was lie there and stare, stunned, trying to drink the scene in. It was like seeing him for the first time – the warm light brought gold and red out in his hair, loosely braided ready for bed, tugged over his shoulder so he could fidget with it with one hand, balancing the magazine against his legs with the other. He was twisted sideways in the chair, one leg tucked beneath him, the other hooked over the arm as he leaned against the back. That was absolutely not how the chair was supposed to be used, and absolutely the only way Duo could be sat.

He looked peaceful – relaxed and secure, in his safe space – as Wufei’s eyes traced across his features, his long limbs, dark lashes, his restless fingers, and the way he was chewing on his lower lip as he read.

He could have watched him forever, unable to look away. He wasn’t sure how long he did watch him for, until Duo happened to glance up and see his eyes open. The smile that spread across his face was warm, and gentle, and breath taking.

“Hey there, sleepin’ beauty,” Duo said quietly, and his deep rumble of a voice was like a physical sensation. “Feelin’ more human?”

There was definitely something wrong with him, Wufei realised, feeling his heart rate increase as the magazine was set aside and Duo unfurled himself from the chair, padding over to crouch beside the bed. His proximity had never induced this reaction before, and Wufei was suddenly, emphatically aware that something was Not Right.

“Hey, are you okay?” Duo frowned, reaching out to rest a hand on Wufei's forehead, looking mildly startled at the flinch he got in response. “You’re kinda flushed.”

“I-” Wufei began, and then realised that he had no idea what to say. His throat was bone dry and his voice rasped. He swallowed and grimaced. “I feel like shit,” he said, finally.

The chuckle he got in response to that was warm, and rich, like dark chocolate, directly to his brain. And other areas.

“Think you can manage to get up? I can run a bath, get you cleaned up. You might feel more human.”

The noise that Wufei made in response to that conveyed a lot of feelings - surprise, lust, panic, surprise at the lust - but Duo interpreted it as a 'yes’.

It was the only time Wufei would be thankful for the weakness that gripped his body, the soul-deep exhaustion that kept his reactions internal, as Duo helped him bathe, checking and cleaning the injuries he’d sustained, and then redressed him in a set of fresh pyjamas.

The spirit was apparently very, very willing; but the body was mercifully weak.

He lay in bed, staring at the ceiling and replaying the feeling of Duo's hands on his bare skin, the unexpected - unprecedented - thrill he got being naked in front of him was enough to make him disgusted with himself, and the gentle, careful attention he had received had done nothing to help.

And his dreams that night were still drug-vivid, but he was sober enough to remember them in _technicolour_ detail.

Things had only got worse over the following week, as he recovered. Had Duo always been this flirty? Had he always been so invasive of Wufei's personal space? It was torture. He both craved it and was horrified by his own reactions.

He summarised things somewhat when detailing this to Heero, however, keeping things as clinical and precise as necessary. Heero never appreciated too much in the way of contextual details anyway - if he needed anything more, he prompted.

As it was, he was sat in his chair, frowning at the notes he had made and comparing them to some results earlier in his file.

“What?” he asked, after a long silence.

“There’s nothing in your blood tests to explain this,” Heero told him flatly. “Some slightly elevated hormone levels, but aside from that it is all the trace elements you would expect to find in the narcotics used to subdue you. Are you certain you hadn’t experience any attraction to Duo prior to this operation?”

“I think I would have noticed,” Wufei snapped. “I live with him, it probably would have become an issue sooner if I had.”

The other man didn’t react to his temper, instead frowning thoughtfully at the screen for a moment longer, before his mouth twisted thoughtfully and he stood, moving across the room to the large fridge on the far side. Opening it, he withdrew a slim, black case, which was vaguely familiar, and walked back to show it to Wufei.

“Recognise this?” At Wufei’s blank expression, he opened it and showed him the contents - a single syringe full of clear liquid. “Duo retrieved it from your cell when he extracted you. From what I gather he arrived just after you had received a dose from an identical syringe.”

“What is it?”

“I don’t know,” Heero said frankly, returning to his seat with the case, setting it on the side next to his keyboard. “I haven’t tested it yet. Your blood results were showing normal drug results for your symptoms, and were clearing as expected, so I had assumed this was those same drugs.”

“But…?”

“But taking your additional symptoms into account, plus the way this was packaged, it may be that there was something additional administered to you whilst you were being held,” Heero explained. “The issue is working out what, and for what purpose.”

Wufei was certain that he didn’t want to know the answer to the question, but he asked it anyway.

“What is unusual about the way it’s packaged?”

“The narcotics used to keep you subdued would likely have been administered regularly in small doses to avoid overdose,” Heero told him. “This case only has room for eight syringes - not enough to keep you under for as long as you were. And the remaining syringe is full - more than is even remotely safe for narcotics. It suggests that there was a specific course of treatment intended.”

Room for eight syringes.

One left.

He’d had nearly a full course of treatment of… something.

“Find out what it is,” Wufei ordered, stepping off the table and heading towards the door. “Fix it.”

“I don’t know what else you would expect me to do,” Heero said dryly, as the door swung shut behind him.

  


*

  


Une had refused, flatly, to tell Wufei who had taken over the case since he had been withdrawn. Or if they had any information on how he had been discovered - if there was a leak. Only that it was being investigated, and he was no longer privy to new information as he had been compromised and removed from the case.

She also pointed out that he was still on medical leave because he was unfit for work, and the email from Heero following his check-up did not suggest otherwise. He begged to be allowed to come back and do administrative work - she threatened disciplinary action if he tried to remain and invalidate their insurance when he was signed off.

He had just stepped out onto the pavement, wondering if he could perhaps go hide in the library for the day, when a car pulled up in front of him, and Duo wound down the window to grin at him.

The surprise of his appearance meant he hadn’t been able to brace for the feelings that slammed through him at that grin - at the way his eyes crinkled cheekily at the corners, his hair fell across his face, and the bit of muscular forearm that was rested on the door as he leaned out. Instead, Wufei could just stare, try to control his breathing, whilst his heart tried to smash its way out of his chest.

“Hey buddy, Heero said you’d be done, thought I’d give you a ride home. Hop in!”

“...It’s fine,” he managed to force out through his tight throat. “I can get the bus.”

“Don’t be dumb, I’m already here,” Duo said. “I’d’ve given you a ride in earlier if you’d waited. Get in.”

Wufei’s mind was racing, trying to find a reason not to get in the car with Duo. Not to be in an enclosed space, one-on-one. But he was struggling to focus, struck stupid with lust and affection and he just kept thinking how good Duo’s mouth looked.

“Come on,” Duo wheedled, his voice more gentle, and still so patient - he was _so_ patient, it was ridiculous and completely unnecessary. “You’re already looking wiped. You’re flushed, your eyes are glazed - if I let you get on a bus, you’ll probably pass out and end up on the far side of the city. Just lemme take you home, we can get you set up and then you can just sleep.” His grin widened, he gave a saucy wink. “Maybe I’ll even tuck you in.”

It was so tempting, Duo’s voice seemed to get right under his skin and tug and pull in the most teasing way. The prospect of Duo tucking him in - a _joke_ , it was a _joke_ \- briefly made him forget how to breathe, and before he realised it, he was climbing into the car, face flaming and jaw set.

“Just drop me off. I can sort myself out.”

“Aw, no, lemme be your nursemaid,” Duo teased, smoothly pulling away and joining the traffic. Wufei looked out the far window, determined not to watch - Duo was a very good driver, smooth, confident. At ease behind the wheel, it was…

Dammit it was sexy.

And the way his hand fit around the gearstick, brushing over it, wrapping firmly…

_Get a grip, get a grip._

“Maybe I could even give you a sponge bath!”

He should have taken the bus.

  


*

  


Wufei had fairly leapt out of the car before it had stopped moving when they had got home, and charged up to their apartment. He was winded by the time he got there - stupid _stupid_ \- but at least there was some distance between him and the car.

So close to Duo he could smell him. Could see the muscles of his thighs shifting under his trousers as he worked the pedals. Could watch his hands stroke across the wheel, long fingers strong and confident, looking at the veins, scars, muscles in his hand and wrist. Could try not to die a little every time Duo made an innuendo about nursing.

Sinking onto his bed, he dropped his head into his hands and let out a long, frustrated groan.

He couldn’t carry on like this - he didn’t know how to deal with this sort of thing. Everything was so unexpected. Every time he thought he had nailed down everything that would set off another firework display of feelings, so he could brace and prepare, try to control it, Duo did something else and he would just dissolve.

It was exhausting.

There was a gentle, hesitant tap on his door. Taking a deep breath, Wufei pressed his lips together firmly, and slowly looked up – eyes tracking up long legs, across a lean torso, to where Duo had propped his shoulder against the doorframe and was knocking quietly on the open door with one knuckle. He look cautious, and slightly sad, worried, and Wufei felt an ache curl through him to wipe that expression off his face, to protect him from anything that made him feel like that. Then he felt a stab of annoyance – Duo wasn’t a child that needed to be coddled, he was more than capable of managing his own emotional wellbeing. He didn’t Wufei to kiss his booboos.

“…Yes?” he asked, finally, when he realised Duo hadn’t said anything, and he himself was in danger of just staring at him.

“Is everythin’ okay?” Duo asked. “I mean,” he added hastily, “I know you’re still recoverin’, so everything’s _not_ okay, but… It kinda feels like there’s more goin’ on? I’ve seen you injured before, and this is… different.” There was a long pause, where Wufei just stared at him and tried to think of how to respond, and Duo picked awkwardly at his fingernails. “It’s just. You’ve been kinda twitchy about me touching you, and gettin’ in your space? And I just… If something happened, I’m here if you need to talk about it, okay? And if that’s why you don’t wanna be touched, I get it, and you can just say. I don’t wanna make you uncomfortable, I just wanna help.”

It took a moment for Wufei to process what Duo was trying to ask without outright asking, and in that time the braided man seemed to be growing increasingly more anxious about the answer.

“I – No! No, nothing like that. Nothing happened,” Wufei reassured him hastily. “It’s just… I’m experiencing some… unexpected side effects to the drugs. I’m sorry – I didn’t mean to worry you.”

The relief on Duo’s face was profound, and Wufei felt his gut twist painfully that he had caused so much anxiety to his friend. Added to that the new roiling cloud of emotions battering its way through his psyche - he was touched that Duo had been so worried about him, he was pleased that he could ease Duo’s concerns, and he felt guilty that he’d been the reason for them.

This was ridiculous.

“Well… that’s a bummer, I guess,” Duo said, although he seemed more cheerful. “But you’ll get there. I’m glad it wasn’t... You’ve just gotta take the time to rest up. You’re really bad at that.”

Grunting, Wufei leaned down to untie his shoes, hoping Duo would go away, at the same time hoping he would stay – come closer – a lot closer…

What he neither hoped for, nor expected, but got anyway, was a pair of jeans thrown at his head, startling him out of his reverie. He straightened up, batting them away and staring at Duo, who was stood in the doorway laughing - a rich, easy, devastating laugh.

“What-”

“Get changed. I’m not lettin’ you mope around the place ‘cause Heero didn’t give you the all clear.”

“I don’t-”

“We’re going out. I’m takin’ you out. Call it a date. A man-date. A mate.”

“No, let’s not call it that,” Wufei said hastily, coaxing a teasing grin out of Duo.

“What, don’t you want to mate me? We’re mating.”

“I will get changed if you stop talking.”

Duo mimed zipping his mouth shut and locking it at the corner, then gave him a cheeky wink, and disappeared to his own room to change. Running his hands over his hair, and clasping them at the back of his head, Wufei stared after him and tried to get himself back under control again.

He was learning an awful lot about what he found attractive in a man. And Duo seemed to cover all of it.

  


*

  


Duo’s suggestion for their ‘man-date’ (“Please, can we not call it that?”) was very much standard dating fare, much to Wufei’s chagrin. Even though he had to admit he wasn’t up for anything much more active - the trip to the office had drained him more than he was happy to admit - but dinner and a movie seemed a little too close to an actual date.

And, on the subject of things which were a little too close, Duo shifted again in his seat, thigh brushing up against Wufei’s as they sat, crammed into the seats in the tiniest screen of the multiplex, for the last screening of some obscure Chinese martial arts epic. A tingle shot right up Wufei’s spine from the contact, and he tried to adjust to make some more space, succeeding only in furthering the contact.

He was more than a little conflicted by that outcome. 

Trying to focus on the film was almost a lost cause, because it was exactly what he liked - cut back, well-choreographed fight scenes with snappy techniques. Nothing overblown, no wire-work, and a well-written story that didn’t confuse being convoluted with being clever.

And Duo had managed to find the last cinema in town showing it. Wufei hadn’t even _heard_ of it, but his roommate had somehow found out about it and where to see it in the time it took Wufei to change out of his uniform.

Wufei was so touched, and spent more of the movie watching Duo out of the corner of his eye than watching the screen. Every time he tried to turn his attention to the film, his gaze got pulled back to studying his friend’s profile, the constantly changing lights on the screen casting flickering shadows across his face. His unexpectedly gorgeous face.

A couple of times, Duo looked across and caught his eye, shooting him a conspiratorial grin, and when that happened Wufei forgot there was even a film playing, and had to remember how to breathe.

The sooner Heero found a cure, the better. Not least because he found himself thinking that he didn’t ever want these feelings to end.

  


*


	2. Chapter 2

_Have you come up with anything yet?_

_I’m still working on it._

_What’s taking so long?_

_I’m doing it off-the-record. Unless you want your crush to be on your Preventer’s medical record, and Une to keep you signed off until we fix it._

Wufei pressed his lips together and rubbed his forehead, glancing up from his phone to see where Duo was. The museum was pretty deserted at this time on a weekday, with only real aficionados visiting. This meant there was a peaceful hush in the rooms, which they were unwilling to break. Which usually would have been nice, but it had led to Duo standing close to Wufei, leaning down to murmur his observations and jokes directly into his ear, voice soft and breath warm on his skin.

This wasn’t unpleasant at all, and that was the problem.

 _It’s not a crush_ , he texted back, defensively. Heero didn’t deign to respond, making it patently clear how ridiculous it was.

Annoyingly, Heero was right. Wufei was due to start back on light duties the following Monday. If there was any sign on his official file that he was anything other than fit for duty, he’d be signed off for even longer, and he couldn’t take that.

Aside from the itch under his skin that was telling him he needed to be _useful_ again, to be active and doing something other than living in his own head, Duo was convinced that Wufei was moping whilst he was off, and had turned his attention to keeping him occupied. With man-dates – only still called thus as a compromise when Duo attempted to rename them ‘bro-dates’, which Wufei deemed absolutely unacceptable.

And it wasn’t that he wasn’t enjoying them; the problem was that he _was_ . Too much. Spending time with Duo, having one hundred per cent of his focus, learning more about each other’s likes and dislikes… it had been wonderful. A glorious torture, as he tried to stamp down on feelings that he shouldn’t be having, whilst at the same time wondering _why_ . Because they were nice. Feeling like this… it wasn’t something Wufei had experienced before, and he was beginning to understand why people went on about it so much. It was heady, thrilling. He felt all at once relaxed and alert in Duo’s presence, every sense thrumming and tingling whilst all the tensions and concerns he had disappeared from his mind. The sound of Duo’s voice, his scent, the casual touches which came regularly from the tactile man, he absorbed them like parched earth in the rain. He spent most of his waking moments, and a fair number of his nocturnal ones, thinking about Duo – replaying conversations, smiles, touches, sometimes taking each encounter that little bit further in his mind… sometimes a _lot_ further.

It wasn’t fair to Duo, and it was only going to make things difficult when he was cured if he indulged himself. Wufei had found himself sniffing a discarded sweater of Duo’s the other day, when he had been alone in the apartment. He’d clutched it to his face and just inhaled, deeply and shamelessly, savouring the sensations which rolled through him at the scent.

He was only pulled out of his remembrances of _that_ when his phone screen lit up again.

_Come by the lab after 5._

“What does Heero want?”

Duo’s voice was low in his ear, his breath hot on his neck, and his body heat suddenly very close to Wufei’s back, and Wufei nearly leapt out of his skin. Fumbling with his phone, he started forward as if electrocuted, whirling to stare, wide-eyed and flushing, at a slightly startled Duo. The braided man seemed quite naturally perplexed by the massive overreaction to his sudden proximity, and Wufei only found himself flushing more and stammering as he tried to force sensible words out.

“I… I…”

“Are you alright?”

Wufei took a deep breath, cleared his throat, tried to ignore the disapproving glares they were getting from the elderly couple across the room, and started again.

“Heero just wants to go over a few things before I start back.”

Duo frowned, shoving his hands into his pockets and looking suspicious.

“He gave you the all-clear, what else does he need?”

It was harder than he had realised to lie to that earnest blue gaze, particularly when Duo was already aware that something smelled rotten. And even Wufei would admit his behaviour was suspicious. Wufei wouldn’t trust himself, so there was no reason Duo would at all.

“It’s just a few things I need to sign,” Wufei offered, with less conviction than he really should have. “It won’t take long.”

Duo levelled him with a long, sceptical look, before making a disgruntled noise and shrugging.

“Whatever. At least he’s not makin’ you go now. We can finish the exhibit, maybe grab a coffee?”

Wufei managed to nod jerkily, waiting until Duo had turned his back to start strolling back through the exhibition, before tapping a hasty response to Heero and stuffing his phone back in his pocket.

That had been too close.

  


*

  


Duo had mellowed out enough that they just about managed to enjoy the rest of the afternoon, but things got tense again once they piled back in the car, and the feeling only grew as they neared the Preventers’ building. It ramped right up as Duo started to pull into the parking garage.

“Where are you going?” Wufei asked, suddenly, panic spiking.

“To park…” Duo said slowly, shooting him a sideways glance. “I can’t wait out front for you, it’s no stoppin’.”

“You don’t need to wait,” Wufei said hastily. “I can make my own way back.”

“It’s no big deal,” Duo insisted. “You’ve only gotta sign some bits, right? That won’t take long.”

“I… don’t know how long it will take. There may be some other stuff I need to do.”

Duo let out frustrated sigh, gripping the steering wheel tightly.

“Other stuff like _what_?” he asked, irritably.

“I don’t -”

“I’ll just come wait inside then!” Duo declared, clearly a challenge.

“No!” Wufei said. “No, honestly. Heero can give me a lift when we're done. Go home.”

“ _Dammit_ , Wufei,” Duo snapped, even as he mounted the curb out the front of the HQ with more speed than necessary, thumping the two of them about. He twisted in his seat to face Wufei full on, expression a mix of hurt and frustration. “What the hell, man? Just tell me what's goin’ on!”

“I can't…” Wufei muttered, avoiding his eyes and reaching for the door.

“Don't you trust me?” he demanded, as Wufei clambered out onto the pavement. He wound down the passenger window when the door closed to shout across the car at him. “This is such _bullshit!_ You’ve been acting weird since you got back, and now you're freezin’ me out? Fuck you!”

Wufei leaned down to peer through the window.

“Duo, that's not-”

“Unless it's the truth I don't want to fucking hear it,” Duo snapped, and tore away into the traffic, tyres squealing and the person he cut off venting their spleen via their horn.

Wufei watched him disappear with his heart wrenching, scrubbing his hands helplessly over his face, before sighing heavily and trudging into the building. He made it down to Heero’s lower-level lab without encountering anyone else, but Heero displayed his usual tact when he saw him.

“What’s wrong with you now?”

“The same thing that’s been wrong with me for the last two weeks,” Wufei snapped. “Why did you want me to come in?”

Heero decided not to comment on Wufei’s less than genial attitude, and instead brought up a new programme on his computer, tapping in a long password to access the files he had set aside for Wufei’s specific… condition.

“I ran tests on a small sample of the serum,” Heero told him brusquely. “It seems to be mostly synthetic neurotransmitters, designed to stimulate your brain’s production of certain monoamines. Specifically, dopamine, norepinephrine, and serotonin.”

He paused there, and looked expectantly at Wufei as if the revelation prompted some response. All he got was an impatient stare.

“...And?” Wufei prompted, finally. “What does that mean? What do they do?”

Heero evidently was unimpressed by Wufei’s lack of knowledge in the field of biochemistry.

“They’re the chemicals produced in the early stages of romantic attraction,” Heero said flatly. “To put it in layman’s terms, it’s a love drug.”

Whilst Wufei floundered on that detail, Heero then launched into his theories on the application of the drug, with a perplexed little frown wrinkling between his eyebrows.

“As far as I can see, the reason you were kept sedated whilst the drug was administered was to allow your brain to start producing these chemicals without any impediment from your conscious mind. I can only assume the intention was for you to then be weaned off the sedatives and begin to apply the feelings to whoever was present as the narcotics left your system, associating the positive feelings of being cared for with the positive feelings of love. It’s relying heavily on a very primitive grasp of psychology, but then I suppose its efficacy was proven in your current situation, so-”

“Stop, wait. Stop.” Wufei squeezed his eyes shut and pinched the bridge of his nose. This was a lot to process, and seemed so farcical a concept that he wouldn’t have believed it, except that he was living it. “ _Why_?” he settled for. “What purpose could they have for this? What would be the point?”

Heero’s frown deepened.

“The only explanation I can see is that they were aiming to simulate an artificial case of Stockholm Syndrome.”

“ _Why_?” Wufei repeated.

“Intelligence gathering, perhaps?” he suggested. “Hoping to sway your loyalties to leak key information to them. Although the fact that they even caught you in the first place is evidence that their intel is already fairly strong, and how would they know your value, unless…” Heero paused, looked suddenly thoughtful, and then scribbled a hasty note to himself.

“Unless what?” Wufei demanded.

“I don’t know. It’s something I have to look into before I can tell you.”

Wufei made an impatient noise, paced a short lap around the lab before returning to stand beside Heero, all anxious motion and frustration.

“So, you’ve found what they gave me. Now you can fix it,” he said, and Heero made a non-committal noise. “You _can_ fix it?”

Heero brought up some charts on his screen, and gestured to them. They were meaningless to Wufei, so he waited until Heero decided to explain.

“By the time I took your blood, the first time, it was two days after you had had your last dose. Your monoamines were elevated, but there was no presence of anything synthetic. And your more recent blood test - all the sedatives have cleared your system, but your monoamine levels have maintained their levels. But they’re _yours_. Not the drug’s.”

There was a cold feeling of dread curling in Wufei’s stomach, pooling heavily and making him feel a little sick. He didn’t like what Heero was implying, and he scrabbled to try and find a solution, _some_ kind of solution.

“There’s nothing you can do?”

For a moment, Heero almost looked sympathetic, but Wufei was certain it must just have been the lighting.

“I’ve got no way of knowing how it reacted with your system,” Heero said. “I can only see the after-effects, not how it worked. I’m not sure there was anything I could have done even if I had been there when it was administered. There might have been a small chance I could reverse-engineer it if I could see how it behaved, but it would be a _really_ small-”

“There’s still one dose left?” Wufei asked, and Heero paused, looked briefly puzzled.

“Yes, I only used a small amount for the tests…” He watched, with dawning comprehension, as Wufei shucked off his jacket and rolled his sleeve up. “No,” he said firmly.

“Don’t be ridiculous,” Wufei snapped. “You need to see how it acts on administration, the only way to do that is to administer it.”

“You’re the one being ridiculous,” Heero told him flatly. “It would only have been the most remote chance. And re-administering an unknown drug to someone who has just recovered from it is not only dangerous, but it’s nonsensical.”

“I haven’t recovered from it! And it seems clear that my choices are ‘no chance’ or ‘remote chance’, which in the circumstances makes the remote chance seem more appealing.”

Heero pressed his lips together firmly, and looked back at the test results on his screen thoughtfully. That logic certainly appealed to him, Wufei could see.

“I’m fairly certain it’s against the Hippocratic Oath,” he muttered.

“You’re not a doctor,” Wufei pointed out.

For anyone else, that would have been rude. A brutal reminder of their station in life, abrupt and uncalled-for.

For Heero, it was a plain statement of fact. The one that tipped the scales in Wufei’s favour. The Japanese man nodded decisively, and walked to the fridge, retrieving the black case with the remaining dose of the… the serum. He snapped on some blue medical gloves, and strapped a tourniquet around Wufei’s bicep with the same cool efficiency he used to apply to missions during the war, guiding Wufei’s hand into a fist. He surveyed the veins in the crook of the elbow critically, before retrieving the syringe and positioning it against Wufei’s arm.

He paused, met his eyes.

“Are you certain you want to do this? It could make things worse, and the chance I can cure it, even with this information, is slim.”

“I’m sure,” Wufei said, emphatically. After all, how much worse could it make things?

  


*

  


The apartment was empty by the time Wufei got home. Heero had made Wufei stay for an hour to take two blood tests - one directly after the administration, and one an hour later to compare. He also handed Wufei the equipment to take his own samples until he returned to work on Monday. Three times a day, the instructions were very firm, morning, lunch and evening, labelled clearly so a progression could be followed.

In some ways it was a relief that Duo wasn’t home, because he couldn’t face answering questions about what the bag of equipment was for, why Heero needed so many blood samples.

There was a note against the kettle, saying they were out of milk, despite there being a full bottle in the fridge. 

Duo had been called out again, then. He’d be gone all night. Wufei felt strangely bereft, and looked around the apartment thoughtfully, trying to consider what to do.

His roommate’s Preventer’s contract was not strictly on the record. The only people who knew about it were Une, Sally, and the other ex-Gundam Pilots. Senior members of the Preventers knew about their special ‘wet-works’ consultant, but his identity was a secret.

Most of the time, Duo worked as a self-employed programmer, with ‘consultant’ access to assist with specific technical work the Preventers required. The rest of the time, he posed as a hitman, feeding back his contacts and information to Une, getting approval on who he could take out, which jobs were allowed; occasionally taking people out specifically for the Preventers, more usually smuggling would-be targets into Witness Protection in exchange for testimony against whoever took the contract out on them. Contacts for the Preventers would give his details to people who wanted rid of targets they also wanted to get rid of - the enemy of my enemy is my friend.

It wasn’t pretty work, it wasn’t glamorous work, but it was work Duo did, and did well.

Une hadn’t called Duo in to extract him when his mission went south, she had been very clear about that. Heero had reported his status - or rather, ‘let slip what had happened’ –  and Duo had operated on his own initiative, much to Une’s chagrin - not that she wasn’t glad he was safe, she assured him, but it risked a lot.

Apparently the fate that would have awaited Wufei had Duo not rescued him was something significantly less dignified than death in action. He shuddered to think about what it would have meant for him – for the security of his friends and colleagues no less – had the serum had the same effect when he had been left as a captive. Whilst he liked to think he had enough common sense, mental discipline and strength of character not to give away secrets of international security because of a chemically-induced attraction, but then he was continually acting like a fool in front of Duo, so who even knew what he would let slip.

Although, perhaps that was because he was already close to Duo? He was certainly still managing to control himself around everyone else, so evidently his whole judgement hadn’t been affected by the experience. He already trusted his roommate, let his guard down around him anyway. Cared for him as one of his closest friends. Would things be different with a stranger? Would he be more or less reticent with someone whose relationship he didn’t already value? Would the situation be different if his feelings were directed at someone who already knew how he felt, because they’d caused it? Someone who would be actively encouraging it, to build the trust, tempt him to betray his friends, his principles?

How far would they have gone to do that?

Suddenly feeling a little sick, Wufei forced his thoughts away from that avenue of harrowing possibilities. Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the stupid impulse purchase from the museum gift shop earlier. A gift, for Duo – a novelty keychain, with a plush Bubonic Plague cell on it, goggling up at him with beady, plastic eyes, bought before he had even realised what he was doing, after he had watched his roommate cackling over them.

 _So much for mental discipline_ , he thought irritably.

He hooked the ring of the keychain over handle of Duo’s bedroom door, and stomped off to try and find something to distract himself until it was late enough to go to sleep without feeling like he had given up on life entirely.

  


*

  


When he woke up, Duo was on the bed beside him.

This wasn’t unusual. After an assignment, Duo often sought him out. Said he liked to feel grounded, bring him back to normal. Wufei calmed him, because he was so controlled, and because he made him feel safe.

The nature of his work meant he was often out at night. And that meant he regularly found his way to Wufei’s bed - always on top of the bedcovers beside him, not in the bed. And usually silent.

Sometimes all Wufei knew of it was the dimple in the pillows beside his when he woke the next morning.

This time, however, it was still the darkest part of the night when he rolled over and found Duo, laying on his back and staring at the ceiling in the dark. Wufei had been dreaming of him, a dream which had been intimate and all-encompassing, so when his questing arm actually found the warm body it was searching for, it caused a strange sensory dissonance that pulled him abruptly into consciousness.

He didn’t move, didn’t speak. Just opened his eyes and let them adjust to the darkness, taking in the profile of the face beside him in the scant, pale moonlight that filtered through his curtains.

Duo was still dressed - he had shucked his boots, something he had finally learned after one too many arguments about shoes on the bedcovers - black clothes making him like a shadow on the bed, save for the skin of his face which was bright against the dark. He smelled like night air, fresh and cool - a sniper job, then. Anything closer contact and Duo showered first, coming to him in clean clothes, warm and soft from the water.

“Subterfuge was never your strength, man,” Duo said quietly. He didn’t look at Wufei, his gaze still fixed on the ceiling. “It’s why they never send you on undercover jobs. You can’t lie for shit.”

Wufei didn’t speak, just remained still, tried to keep his breathing even. Tried to keep his reactions under control, as his brain catalogued the sensation of having Duo beside him in bed, aware of it in a way he never had been before. It was an onslaught of feeling, and it was making him dizzy.

“You know that,” Duo continued, and his tone became harsher. “You know _I_ know that. Which means that not only don’t you trust me enough to tell me what's up, but you don't have the fuckin’ respect to tell me straight that you don't trust me.”

His arms tensed and relaxed abruptly, and Wufei realised he was fidgeting with something in his hands, and as he got angrier he squeezed it hard. A glint of light off a beady eye - the keyring.

“I trust you,” Wufei breathed. “But I don't want you to think differently about me. I don't want things to change because of something… temporary.”

“ _What_ something?” Duo demanded, finally turning his head to glare at Wufei, the mattress bouncing slightly with the force of it. At Wufei's continued silence, he let out an explosive and frustrated sigh, rolling his head back to glower back at the ceiling, hands fidgeting furiously with the keychain. “Some trust. And you clearly have a great opinion of me, if you think our friendship could change that easily.”

“It's not that simple.”

“I might be able to help!”

“Heero's helping,” Wufei reassured him. “It’ll be over soon. Things will go back to normal.”

“So you can tell Heero but you can't tell me?” he asked bitterly. He let out another sigh, and shook his head, sitting up and swinging his feet off the bed. “It's not just gonna go back to normal,” he said, “'cause you’ve made it clear that it wasn't what I thought.”

He made to stand, but before he could, Wufei's hand shot out, wrapped around his elbow, fingers gripping the worn leather. Wufei wasn't even sure why he did it, the action was instinctive, fuelled by panic that once Duo left the room, something would end. Would change, irreparably. At the touch, Duo stilled, looked at the hand on his arm, and then slowly looked over his shoulder at Wufei's face.

There must have been something in his expression, perhaps some of the desperation thumping through his body showed in his eyes, because Duo looked startled, and turned more fully to face him, layering his own hand over Wufei's. He could feel himself trembling suddenly, and Duo's warm, rough grip stilled it a little, squeezing gently.

“Wufei, what's wrong? Jesus, you're shaking!”

“Stay,” Wufei asked, although it sounded more like he was begging. “Just… stay here for now.”

There was a long pause, and Wufei was terrified, irrationally terrified, that Duo would just leave.

But instead he nodded, prised Wufei's fingers off his arm and slid his jacket off. Then his jeans. And then, slowly, Duo climbed under the covers, reaching for him and gently pulling him into a hesitant hug.

“Is this okay?” he murmured, and Wufei nodded, unable to form words, surrounded as he was by everything he had been dreaming of and straining for over the past two weeks. It was a strange bliss, and it soothed him. “I'm here, buddy. I’ve got you.”

But for how much longer, that remained to be seen, and the cold, hard lump in Wufei's stomach felt heavier, even as he relaxed into the offered comfort, and drifted back into an awkward sleep.

 

*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Many thanks to Kangofu-cb for beta reading and sense checking.
> 
> The bad science comes almost entirely from this article: http://www.bbc.co.uk/science/hottopics/love/
> 
> You too can own a cuddly Bubonic Plague cell, if that's your jam: http://www.giantmicrobes.com/uk/
> 
> Also, it's been brought to my attention that curb mounting in a car is something not really done in North America? In the UK, our roads are comparatively narrow, and during very busy periods of traffic, it's very common to mount the curb with two wheels if you need to make a stop, so you aren't blocking an entire lane of traffic and people can still get around you. It's actually fairly common to park like that down residential streets if there isn't space specifically for parking, because sometimes the roads don't have room for two cars to go down at a time, and if you don't mount the curb the whole road is blocked. Having never driven in Europe, I can't say whether this is common there - although their cities often have a similar situation in terms of road size to the UK - but I thought this was a universal thing until someone asked! Of course, it's usually done fairly gently to protect the suspension, using cut outs in the curb to ramp up smoothly where possible, but Duo's a bit grouchy, and changing destination at the last minute, so he has gone up with a bit of a thump.


	3. Chapter 3

Returning to work on Monday morning was almost a relief.

The additional dose had made things worse. So much worse.

Wufei was definitely blaming it for his frankly embarrassing display on Thursday night, when Duo had joined him in bed.

And it had only got worse when he had woken up with Duo spooned tightly against his back, arm draped over his stomach and curled up across his chest. The warmth of the body, the firmness of it, and the fact that their respective thin sleepwear did nothing really to disguise the shape of Duo… of any of Duo. And certain areas were warmer than others, pressed against him.

He moved a little, tried to put some distance between them, even as his own body reacted emphatically to the proximity, only to find himself pulled back into the hug with a sleepy grumble, Duo’s hips shifting as Wufei was slotted back into place, and rocking instinctively, gently against him.

Even that little contact was the most erotic thing Wufei thought he had ever experienced, his own hips working outside his control and rolling back against the action, trying to coax more, before he could stop himself. Duo was deeply asleep, his breathing heavy and deep against the back of his neck, his arm a dead weight over Wufei, but he responded to the movement - his breath stuttered, and he let out sleepy, vague noises of pleasure as he pressed forward more.

Wufei bit his lip - nearly bit _through_ his lip trying not to make a sound, to prevent himself from giving in and letting this escalate into something that was not right, that would definitely ruin things forever. Even as his own morning wood had swelled into a firm, insistent erection faster than he thought possible, even as the scent and feel of Duo enveloped him, trying to get him to give in - pinned as he was between Duo and the wall.

It took some conviction, and maneuvering, but he managed to untangle himself, sliding a pillow into Duo’s grip as he wriggled his way down the bed and off the end. Managing to stand, he paused for a moment to appreciate the view of the other man sprawled between his sheets. Curled around a pillow, face slack and peaceful, hair coming loose from his braid and creeping across the covers, and a proud bulge in his boxers.

Even a cold shower didn’t quite manage things, and he had to take the matter to hand - literally - holding his breath as he tugged himself to a desperate, shuddering, shameful orgasm, the water washing away the evidence as soon as it had happened, leaving no proof except the dark stain on Wufei’s conscience.

By the time he got back to the bedroom, Duo had sprawled onto his back, starfished across the bed, and was arching away from the mattress in an expansive stretch, expression of absolute bliss on his face as he did so. When he relaxed again, he opened his eyes and blinked sleepily at Wufei who was stood, stunned, in the doorway.

“Hey,” Duo said, with a half-smile, voice still thick with sleep. “Feelin’ better this mornin’?”

No, Wufei thought, as the view and sound of Duo’s voice went straight to his groin. He was not feeling better at all.

  


*

  


Wufei wasn’t sure whether Duo had been scared by his behaviour the previous night, or whether his change in tack was because he wanted to try catching more flies with honey, but the next two days he was very attentive and gentle, trying to coax Wufei into telling him what was wrong.

And more than once, it nearly worked.

Following the readministration of the serum, every feeling had become significantly more intense, and Wufei was having trouble controlling it. Every time Duo brushed past him, sat next to him, smiled at him, he felt a heady thrill of excitement and lust which thrummed through him and left him a little breathless and giddy. And concerned Duo was even more tactile than normal Duo, so there was a lot of contact - hands on shoulders, arms, ruffling hair, legs nudging as they sat on the sofa, feet as they sat at the table. Hip checks in the corridor and shoulder bumps, crowding him against the kitchen counter, or doorways, or cupboards in an attempt to be irritating and playful.

It wasn’t irritating. At last, not in the way Duo planned. Wufei was plenty irritated with himself, for every little loss of control after each one happened, but with Duo he found himself increasingly more besotted and helpless.

On one such occasion, boxed against the counter, nose-to-nose with Duo, Wufei had almost answered the teasing question without thinking. Distracted by the bright eyes right in front of him, the mouth that was so close to his - close enough that their breath was mingling. Distracted by the way the lips quirked in a smile that made the eyes crinkle at the corners, he almost blurted out the answer before he could stop himself, except he managed to slam himself back to reality before he could, and push out of the grip.

A glance over his shoulder showed Duo smirked consideringly. He knew he was close, and he knew he just needed to keep it up to get an answer.

He probably would have managed it to, had he not barged into Wufei’s room on the Sunday, as he was midway through collecting yet another blood sample for Heero.

Freezing in the doorway, Duo’s eyes went wide as he registered the needle and the tourniquet, and panic seemed to war with fury, even as he clearly took in the marks from the previous needles, and finally registered that nothing was being administered, but rather something was being taken.

To say he flipped out was putting it mildly. Particularly when he spotted the cooler with all the other samples inside. Wufei, stuck as he was mid-procedure, could only listen as he was treated to an apoplectic rant about trust and friendship, and “fucking telling me what is wrong so I can help!”

When Wufei told him, as calmly as he could, that there was nothing he could do to help, as he removed the needle and vial, dexterously slipping some cotton wool against the needle hole and undoing the tourniquet, Duo didn’t take it well.

“Well maybe I just want some warning before you drop dead!” Duo snapped, and then stormed out of the apartment, slamming the front door emphatically on his way.

He returned, several hours later, calmer but clearly still upset.

“I’m not dying,” Wufei told him, in lieu of hello.

“Why the fuck else would you need to take thrice-daily blood samples?” Duo demanded.

“...It’s complicated.”

“Sh’yeah. Whatever.”

  


*

  


So yes, leaving the house early on Monday to return to work, delivering his cooler of blood samples - fastidiously labelled - to Heero, and having another taken by the man himself, felt like a breath of fresh air, and a long-awaited return to normalcy.

His desk was as he left it, although the cleaner had evidently taken advantage of his leave to finally dust his desk and monitor, something that she couldn’t accomplish when Wufei was working, as he never left his desk long enough for her to get near it.

She’d thrown out his plastic water bottle as well though, potentially as a form of revenge. That was irritating, but at least it was the normal kind of irritating, rather than the pulsing, insistent madness that was constantly churning at the back of his mind.

On the way back from the cafeteria with a new bottle of water, he was cornered by Sally.

“Glad to see you back,” she told him warmly. “All recovered now?”

“Mostly,” he settled for, cautiously. “Although it may be a couple more weeks before I am fully back in shape.”

“Une said she wants you in interview room B observation at ten, by the way,” she told him. “Something to do with the case you were on?”

Baffled, Wufei nodded, and continued back to his desk with a frown. The last he had been told, he had been removed from the case, and would not be required until the reason for his capture had been identified.

Did that mean the leak had been found?

  


*

  


Heero was waiting for him outside the interview room when he arrived, and guided him into the observation room beside it, shutting the door silently behind them. On the other side of the glass, Une sat across the table from another agent, who looked tired, worried, and resigned, picking at slumped onto the table and picking at a loose thread on her jacket. Her dark hair was in a messy french plait, and she was slouched in her chair. Wufei recognised her - Agent Torres. She had been the deep cover agent on his case, working with the gang for several months before requesting extraction because she was worried she had been compromised.

Her intel had been the reason for Wufei’s infiltration, leading a small team to extract data which Torres had identified but been unable to get hold of - a list of the gang’s buyers, operations around the world who were using them to source weapons. The headquarters should have been on a skeleton crew, with the majority of the gang at a meeting with a buyer.

The intel had been wrong. But it wasn’t just misinformation - they had been expected.

The men waiting for them had been ready,  but they also hadn’t argued when Wufei had ordered the three other members of his team to retreat, hadn’t blocked their way.

Instead they had let the other Preventers disappear, and focused all their attention on Wufei, and whilst he was good, he was disastrously outmanned, and outgunned.

Wufei had assumed that Torres had been questioned about the leak, but all her communications would have been monitored in the weeks following her return. She hadn’t contacted anyone, had passed psychological tests to show that she hadn’t been compromised whilst she was there.

He glanced sideways at Heero, who was watching the pair on the other side of the glass with a grim expression, and had a sinking feeling he knew what was coming.

“Torres,” Une said, finally, closing the file in front of her and folding her hands on the table. “I assume you know why you’re here.”

“...Yes ma’am,” Torres said, and though her voice was quiet, it was steady.

“If you had told us at any stage that you had been compromised, we could have prevented this,” Une told her, unsympathetically, ignoring the woman’s flinch. “We are aware that our deep cover agents are at risk, and do our best to help with the transition. But at any point in the last few weeks you could have spoken up, and you did not - _that_ is the issue.”

“I’m sorry ma’am.”

“You told Une,” Wufei said quietly, a statement not a question. Heero inclined his head minutely.

“I had to,” he replied.

“I know.”

“Tell me what happened,” Une ordered Torres. “ _Exactly_ what happened.”

So Torres did. Eyes focused on the table, loose thread worried until it snapped, at which point she began picking at the skin around her fingernails, her voice an undertone, just picked up by the microphones and carried to Heero and Wufei, and the computer which was recording the interview.

It began with her infiltration, which for the first few months was successful. And then, approximately two months before she requested extraction, she became exposed. Instead of killing her, the leader - a charming individual by the name of Georgios Phillipou - decided to test some new toy he had been passed.

She was restrained, drugged up to her eyeballs, and the next week passed in a blur.

The next thing she remembered, Phillipou was there. Nursing her through her comedown, being gentle, so gentle with her. She had never noticed how kind he was. How attractive he was. How happy, and warm, and safe he made her feel. It conflicted with everything she knew, her conscious mind was warring with what her feelings were telling her.

She confessed everything to him, one night, after they slept together. Overwrought with emotions and internal conflict, he soothed her even as he disgusted her, and she wept and told him everything.

The days passed on, and she found it easier to resist him, easier to say no. The feelings faded. But before she could get out, they dosed her up once more and the cycle began again.

Wufei felt nauseated listening to what she had been through, listen to the cycle of regret and self-loathing that she was trapped in, even as she was hopped up on all the hormones of early infatuation.

“They say the early stages of love are a lot like going insane,” Heero said quietly. “I’m not sure how true that is, but in this case…”

Wufei could only grunt in response. He was chillingly aware that, had Duo not extracted him, he could have suffered the same fate.

Torres finished her story, confirming that Phillipou had instructed her to give the false intelligence, had acquired a key to her home before she was extracted, and had been continually visiting her there since her return. Une listened, face impassive, but when it was clear that Torres wasn’t going to continue, she poured a glass of water from the jug at her elbow and passed it over.

“Thank you for your honesty,” Une said. “I am aware that this has been a very traumatic experience for you, and I am sorry we weren’t able to identify this and support you sooner. However, I am sure you understand that as a result of this, the significant breach of security has to be addressed.”

Nodding mutely, Torres sipped at her water thankfully and kept her eyes fixed on the table top.

“Effective immediately, you will be suspended with pay until I can work out the best way to deal with this.” Une watched as Torres nodded again, and when she next spoke her voice was significantly more gentle. “And once we are finished here, I want you to report directly to Agent Po. She has been advised of what we suspected of your situation, and she will be working with you on a plan to ensure you get the care and support you need.”

At this, Torres looked up for the first time since Wufei had arrived, startled into meeting Une’s gaze.

“Do you understand?” Une asked.

“Y-yes, ma’am.”

“Good. Dismissed.”

Jerkily, Torres stood, chair scraping noisily across the floor, nearly knocking it over, and she walked stiffly out of the room. At the table, Une pressed the button on the table which stopped the recording and turned off the microphones. She sighed heavily - silent to Wufei and Heero - and leaned back in her chair, head tilted back to the ceiling and her eyes closed for a long moment, before she took another deep breath and stood, marching smartly out of the interview room.

A handful of seconds later, she came through the door into the room where Heero and Wufei stood.

“Yuy, Chang,” she greeted them, nodding as they turned to face her, whilst she closed the door with a smart ‘click’ behind her. “You heard all that, I hope?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Good,” she said sharply. “So I hope you will fully grasp what I mean when I say that I am furious with the pair of you for withholding this information as long as you did. If you had come to me as soon as you were aware of this, we could have not only identified the leak sooner, but also prevented Agent Torres from suffering with the aftermath of this by herself.”

She fixed them both with a steely gaze, vestiges of the Une they remembered from the war shining through. Wufei’s throat went very tight, and his stomach hadn’t yet unknotted from listening to Torres’ story.

“This is an official warning,” she told them. “You have been given a lot of leeway over the years, but withholding intelligence which could impact on the development of a case, or the wellbeing of a fellow agent, is inexcusable. You may be good, but you do not have the authority to decide what information it is pertinent for me to know, not when it puts my agents at risk. Am I making myself clear?”

“Yes, ma’am.”

“Excellent,” she said. “Yuy, I want you to continue to monitor Chang’s progress, and to report back to me anything you find. From the sounds of things, this should wear off fairly soon, but until then I want to be notified of everything. Am I clear?”

“Perfectly,” Heero replied.

“Chang, what this experience has proven is that this case is no longer something which can be handled covertly. We cannot risk any more agents being put in this situation, or put our intelligence in further jeopardy. Maxwell, in his infinite wisdom, planted a number of bugs in the target site when he extracted you, and found time to upload a virus which has been transmitting encrypted information to us. At this stage, we have enough evidence to justify a full raid. You will coordinate that.”

“Yes, ma’am.”

Une gave them both one last, long, hard look, before nodded curtly and disappearing out of the room, leaving them both to stew in their guilt.

  


*

 

The next two days were a whirl of activity as Wufei began to coordinate the tactical strike to take the gang headquarters. It was long, involved work, which provided a welcome relief from thinking about Duo. Which is was extremely thankful for, as all he wanted to do was think about Duo.

And when he got home, Duo was abundantly clear that he was still mad at Wufei. So that meant thinking about Duo was about the only pleasant interaction Wufei had with him at present.

With the reassurance from Torres that it would fade, he allowed himself to indulge a little. It was almost a form of meditation - he would go to his room, sit down, and lose himself in his thoughts. He replayed touches, looks, conversations, taking the time to savour the feelings. He let them roll through him, exploring and cataloguing the sensations.

He wondered if real attraction felt like this, or whether this was simply an effect of the chemical to make the subject easier to control, and more susceptible because the experience was so pleasant. Prior to this, his interest in romantic relationships had been nonexistent - he was happily self-sufficient, enjoyed his autonomy in all aspects of his life, and after his one less-than-stellar attempt at monogamy he didn’t exactly feel the need to repeat the failure.

But this… this was so unexpectedly enjoyable.The responses he was getting to these stimuli pinged through his body in a series of tingles, and throbs, and shivers. Curled in his stomach, sparked along his arms, washed over all of his senses in a way that seemed physical, even as they were entirely conjured by his mind.

It made him think that perhaps, one day, maybe he could look into having a relationship. Maybe it would be worth it.

  


*

  


By the end of the week, Duo was still mad at him. To the point that Duo was even at HQ today, to meet with Une, and Wufei hadn’t seen him all day. They’d even travelled in separately that morning, Duo staying in his room until Wufei had left to go catch the bus.

That hurt, a little.

A lot.

He was sitting at his desk, resolutely _not_ moping about it when a shadow fell over his paperwork and he looked up to see Heero looming over him, his expression as grave as ever.

“Hello,” Wufei said, after a long pause where it looked like Heero was trying to decide how to start the conversation, but was unsure what the appropriate opener would be. “Did you want something?”

“...Do you have a few minutes?”

He glanced across the piles of paper on his desk, the folders open on his computer screen. All the prep for the raid was pretty much done. He was as on top of things as he could be. Which was good, since it was going ahead in the early hours of the following morning.

“Here?”

“The lab.”

That meant news about the serum. He stood abruptly - perhaps too abruptly, slightly startling Agent Fulton on the desk opposite him - and followed Heero down the corridor, down to his basement lab.

It was a silent walk - Heero wasn’t a conversationalist at the best of times, and despised small talk. So did Wufei, normally.

However he found himself growing strangely more anxious the closer they got to the lab. Somehow, this felt like this was going to be a final reckoning, one way or another. Hopefully, good news. News that he would regain his senses and get his life back, and be able to interact with Duo like a normal person again, and his roommate would stop being pissed off at him.

But there was a leaden feeling in his gut at the thought of these feelings leaving him - for all he wanted his life back, they had been… pleasant in their own way. The prospect of losing them did leave his previous existence looking remarkably grey.

And equally… he found himself wondering if, even if the feelings were gone, he would be able to repair his relationship with Duo. Having looked at Duo… a certain way as a result of this serum, would that change the way he looked at him moving forwards?

Until now he had simply been driven by the desire to return things to the way they were, and hadn’t considered what had changed through this experience. How _he_ had changed. Suddenly, with freedom within his grasp, a lot of things were occurring to him that perhaps he should have thought about sooner. Waiting as Heero unlocked the lab door, he wondered if he should ask him for advice. Then wondered exactly what sort of advice Heero would give.

He suppressed a sigh, stepped through the door after Heero, and walked right into the back of his friend, who had stopped abruptly just inside the room.

“What-?”

“Duo…” Heero said carefully.

Across the far side of the room, Duo was sat at Heero’s computer, screens lit up, scrolling through notes. He was staring, face white and looking panicked.

 _Wufei’s_ notes.

“Duo,” Wufei said, unable to stop the panic in his voice. “Duo, stop-”

“You’re _in love with me_ ?” he asked, finally, not taking his eyes off the screen, his face unreadable, and his tone unclear. “ _That’s_ why you’ve been acting so weird?”

“It’s not like that-”

“Yes it is,” Duo interrupted. “I’ve got your notes right here.”

“You shouldn’t be here, Duo,” Heero said, his voice low, moving towards the computer slowly, as if approaching a cagey animal, whilst Wufei felt frozen to the spot, his limbs numb and cold spreading through them. “You shouldn’t be looking through those files. They’re private.”

The braided man dodged out of the way before Heero’s hand could touch his shoulder, spinning out of the chair and standing, pointing at the screen accusingly as he stared wildly at Wufei.

“I thought you were _sick_!” he cried. “I thought there was something really fuckin’ wrong with you, and instead you’re getting Heero to treat you because you’re in love with me?”

Wufei swallowed, tried to work out whether the expression Duo’s face was fury or betrayal or shock. Probably a combination of the three. He felt like someone had reached into his chest and was compressing his heart and lungs, making it hard to breath, hard to talk.

“It’s only temporary… I was drugged - it’s going to fade…”

“That’s not what your file says,” Duo snapped, and Wufei fell back a step, startled. He glanced at Heero, but before he could ask, Duo was storming across the lab towards the door, trying to give Wufei a wide berth as he did so. “I can’t deal with this. I gotta go.”

“Wait, Duo!”

“Let him go,” Heero advised flatly, as Duo slammed out of the door, and Wufei hesitated, glancing back at his impassive face. “He needs to cool down, you’re not going to be able to talk to him right now.”

For a long moment, Wufei considered it. Stared at Heero across the room, wanted to ask what Duo meant about his file, but he couldn’t get his mind to focus on anything other than the fact that Duo’s footsteps were rapidly fading down the corridor, getting quieter and further away. He wanted to be rational, wanted to listen to Heero - he was right, Wufei knew he was right, he and Duo never handled arguments well when they were fresh, they always butted heads until the took a timeout and calmed down. He almost did it, almost turned to go back to the examination table, until the door at the end of the corridor slammed shut, something desperate inside him snapped, and he ran.

He made it to the parking garage just as Duo was pulling the car door open, and reached around him to slam it shut, the force of his momentum from the sprint across the floor pulling it out  of Duo's grip. The braided man glared at his hand, not looking up, or letting go of the door handle as Wufei's arm barred his way.

“Let me go, Wufei,” he said tightly, his jaw set and his shoulders tense, clearly trying to keep himself under control.

“We need to talk.”

“I wanted to talk all month. You missed your chance.”

That stung. Duo’s voice was harsh, angry, and Wufei flinched, but didn’t move his hand. He held his ground, tried to explain himself.

“I couldn’t have told you. Look how you’re reacting.”

“I’m only reacting like this because you _didn’t_ tell me!” Duo exploded, finally rounding on Wufei, expression furious, fists clenched by his sides. “I thought you were sick, and you shut me out. I’m mad because you didn’t trust me enough to tell me you had feelings for me - what kind of asshole do you think I am that you couldn’t tell me that?”

“I didn’t want to make things awkward when it was only going to be temporary,” Wufei snapped. “You didn’t deserve that. And it would have been fine if you hadn’t decided to hack into my files - if you’d trusted me!”

“Trust you? You didn’t trust _me,_ and you made your opinion on me pretty damn clear,” Duo spat with a sneer, knocking Wufei’s hand away and wrenching the door open. “You starting having feelings for me, and assumed it was something that had to be _treated_ , like being attracted to me was so improbable it had to be some kind of _disease_.”

There wasn’t an easy answer to that. Wufei hadn’t even considered how that could look - hadn’t considered what that would read like on paper. The wind was knocked out of him, and he stared at Duo, who glowered furiously back, as if daring him to respond, to make an excuse. He couldn’t. He had none. He felt suddenly lower than dirt, and yet still, still, some stupid part of his brain was fixating on one potential explanation...

“Do… do you want me to be attracted to you?”

“No! Dammit.” Duo let out a frustrated noise, tugged his fingers through his bangs angrily. “I just. It’s pretty tellin’ that your first reaction was to think that it was _wrong_ to feel like that.”

“But I was right!” Wufei argued, as Duo clambered into the car. “It _wasn’t_ real, and going to Heero helped with the case.”

“Yeah,” Duo said bitterly, his face twisted into an unkind smile. “I bet you’re very pleased.”

He slammed the door behind him, and the engine roared to life. Wufei stepped aside and watched Duo pull away, without even a glance out the window as he passed. He felt thin, suddenly, brittle and cold. Somehow there was guilt there, even as he knew that Duo was just as much at fault for hacking his medical records, even as he knew Duo would know that too when he calmed down.

But to hear Duo’s assessment of his treatment of him, he was beginning to realise that for all he had dressed it up as a way to protect Duo, his actions had been selfish. He hadn’t even been that good at hiding his feelings. All he had done was push Duo away. Was Duo right? Did he really think that badly of him that he couldn’t bear the idea of being in love with him without some kind of external force _making_ him feel that way?

That didn’t seem fair. But on paper, it didn’t look fair either.

He didn’t even recall leaving the garage, it was only when he was back in the lab and Heero was studying him with an unimpressed expression that he came back to himself, realised where he was and what was happening.

“Looks like that went about as well as I predicted,” Heero said dryly, from where he was sat at the computer, having apparently decided to be productive if he couldn’t do what he originally intended. “Are you ready to act like a rational person now?”

Wufei went to sit on the exam table, where Heero was pointing, and watched, detached, as his files were brought up again. His fingers curled around the cushioned edge, digging into the soft cushioning, trying to hold himself together whilst the rest of him felt like it as going to fly apart at any moment.

Was he going to see Duo again? Probably not.

“What did Duo mean, about it not being temporary?”

“Exactly that,” Heero told him. “I was going to try to break it to you a little more gently, but Maxwell has always had a way of cutting through the bullshit.”

On screen, his blood tests were brought up for his assessment, but Wufei just stared at them blankly, as Heero brusquely explained them.

“Whilst Torres’ blood tests showed the hormone levels dropping since administration, based on her last dated dosage to date, yours don’t follow that pattern. There was the predictable spike after your last treatment, but whilst the artificial hormone levels dropped over time, the overall level of the chemicals in your blood remained the same.”

“How is that possible?” He already knew the answer, even as he asked the question. But somehow he needed to hear Heero say it. To tell him what he was realising he knew had been the case all along. The wipe-clean covering of the examination table squeaked slightly as his grip tightened, the material slipping under his fingers.

“They’re not artificial any more. They’re yours.” Heero turned in his chair and fixed Wufei with a steady stare, as if trying to categorise his reaction to add to the notes in his file. “Congratulations. You’re actually in love with Duo.”

For a long moment, Wufei didn’t say anything. Just sat, and looked at the informational posters and cell enlargements tacked onto the far wall.

They offered neither answers nor comfort, much like Heero.

Finally he sighed, deeply, as if he could expel the agonising pressure currently trying to crust his heart and lungs and stomach with the breath, nodded and stood.

“I have to go get ready for the raid,” he said tiredly, battering his thoughts back into focus, and trying not to think about how Duo was probably back at their apartment by now and probably, if Wufei knew him at all, packing his things and getting ready to leave. Maybe for good. “But thank you for all your help with this.”

“It’s my job,” Heero said, watching him go. “Before you go… There were two new hormones present in your more recent tests.”

Wufei paused at the door, turned and raised an eyebrow, wondering what else his own traitorous body had in store for him, even as he found he didn’t even really care all that much any more.

“Oxytocin, and vasopressin,” Heero told him. “Produced during the ‘attachment’ stage of a relationship.”

  
“There’s nothing to get attached to,” Wufei said, with resigned certainty, and he left to make his way back to his desk.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> BAD SCIENCE AHOY!
> 
> Many thanks to Kangofu_CB for the beta reading and encouragement, and thank you to everyone who has left kudos and comments, I'm so glad you're enjoying this nonsense.


	4. Chapter 4

The raid had gone well.

By the time Wufei had returned to his desk, a hundred little things were outstanding on the preparation timeline, so it had proved easier than anticipated to force his brain to focus on the situation at hand, and not fixate on Duo.

He didn’t have a second to himself, or of stillness, until after everything was done, and the respective gang members had been restrained and checked into holding cells.

Taking Phillipou down had been a matter of no little satisfaction. Wufei had perhaps been a little… overenthusiastic in that respect. When it was reported that a whole crate of unidentified serum vials had been found as his team had combed through the premises for stragglers, he had briskly given responsibility of Phillipou over to another agent, not certain he would be able to trust himself to behave.

It was dawn before he made it back to the apartment, bone tired and wrung out on more than a physical level, and he knew the moment he walked through the door it was empty.

It was hard to explain how - the quality of the silence was wrong, perhaps; or the stillness was too still. But in the grey light of the early morning, Wufei stood in the kitchen and knew, without a doubt, that Duo had gone.

Perhaps it was because he was so tired, perhaps the last twenty four hours had been emotionally fraught, at the end of a week of stress, at the end of a month of turmoil. Perhaps he still hadn’t fully recovered from his time as Phillipou’s power. Perhaps he was physically drained from his 36-hour day.

Whatever it was, he suddenly felt like the only thing he was capable of doing was sitting down, right where he was, on the kitchen floor.

It was almost like meditation, except there was nothing restful about it. All his higher thinking processes shut down, and he sat, blank and incapable, on the cool linoleum.

He wasn’t entirely certain how long he sat there, only that the light was dim in a different way - the orange glow of evening - when he heard the apartment door open gently behind him. There was a pause, and then quiet, precise footsteps circled around him, and a pair of polished brown brogues came into his line of sight.

Quatre crouched down in front of him, his expression carefully neutral as he studied Wufei’s face, took in the shadows under his eyes, the wan colour. And then he smiled, warm and reassuring.

“It’s time to get up,” he said, and whilst his tone was kind, it was clear this wasn’t merely a suggestion. “Go and shower. I will put dinner on.”

Wufei held his gaze for a long minute, as the words filtered through from his ears to his muscles. He stood abruptly, jerkily, stumbling on tired limbs, feeling pins and needles stab uncomfortably through his legs. He was getting old.

He did shower. And Quatre did cook dinner - mac and cheese, but it was still dinner.

And then Quatre guided him to his bedroom, and told him to sleep.

And he slept.

 

*

 

The next morning, Quatre had still been there.

Had driven him into work, where Sally was waiting to swoop him off to her lab. Where she told him, firmly, that his bullheaded pretense that nothing affected him was ridiculous, and even if Phillipou hadn’t actually managed to sexually assault him, he had still been the victim of some “mindfuckery, to use the technical term”, and that “Captain Spandex wouldn’t have realised that unless it was in binary, so you get me."

Wufei was presented with a plan. It seemed like a sensible plan, and somehow he didn’t have the energy to argue with Sally, so he nodded.

His mute agreement seemed to worry her more than anything else.

 

*

 

Three months later, Wufei was sat on a bench, in a park, and feeling fairly at peace with the world.

He had brought a book with him, but it remained closed, on his lap, as he found himself happy instead to just watch the ducks paddling on the pond across the way. It was calming, and he was enjoying the rare moment of quiet.

Out of the corner of his eye, he saw a figure sit on the opposite end of the bench, but he didn’t give them more attention than that.

Until they spoke.

“So,” Duo said, squinting out at the water himself, “I overreacted a bit.”

“It’s alright,” Wufei reassured him.

“It’s not. And I’m sorry.” He paused, rubbed his hand nervously over his chin. “It’s just… I have some _issues_ with people gettin’ sick. And particularly with people sayin’ they’re not sick, and they’re gonna be fine.... and then dyin’.”

Wufei didn’t respond, turned his head slightly to study Duo’s profile, felt the familiar rush of warmth as his gaze traced over the face he hadn’t seen in so long, but remembered like it was yesterday.

“And… everythin’ you were doing made it look like you were sick, and you were actin’ so weird that it seemed like you were lying and I just…”

“I understand,” Wufei said quietly. “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you the truth.”

Duo grunted, picking at his fingernails, and leaning against the back of the bench. For a long moment, Wufei watched him, before looking back out at the pond, feeling that perhaps Duo would find it easier to talk if he wasn’t being observed.

“I shouldn’t have hacked your records either,” he added. “That was oversteppin’.”

Wufei took a moment to organise his thoughts. He had played out this conversation a number of times over the past few months, with various different scenarios in place for how it came about. Sometimes there was more yelling. Sometimes there was no yelling. Sometimes he got distracted and it ended with some other activities ending in ‘ing’, which seemed generally unlikely.

But at least he knew what he had to say at this stage.

“I didn’t go to see Heero because I was having feelings for _you_ ,” he said, finally. “It was because I was having feelings _at all._  I have been… working through some things, recently, and it has become clear to me that I have difficulty accepting positive changes in my life.” He paused, mouth twisting in a self-deprecating smile. “Particularly in terms of interpersonal relationships.”

Duo looked at him, a little surprised, and Wufei just raised his eyebrows and gave him a wry smile in response, before looking back out to the pond. The ducks were starting to mob a small child who had turned up with a bag of seeds, and she was cackling gleefully as they flocked around her, whilst her parents tried to fend off some of the larger fowl.

“You’ve been… in therapy?” Duo asked, hesitating as he tried to work out how to phrase the question.

Wufei looked down at the book in his lap, traced his fingers over the title as he spoke.

“After… After,” he settled for, deciding to skip the rehash of the circumstances which brought them here, “it became clear that I had not been dealing with my traumas, particularly those which made me emotionally vulnerable. And so, when I was placed into a situation that violated the barriers I had put up, I did not have the tools to process these. Which,” he added, with a sigh, “is why I was so intent on denying that I was capable of falling in love.”

Beside him, Duo wrinkled his nose and chewed his lower lip, thinking. He jiggled one of his legs, then realised it was wobbling the whole bench, so stopped, self-conscious.

“When I read your file, there was a part of me that hoped it was just the drug,” he admitted. “’cause I didn’t wanna think about what it would mean if it wasn’t.”

“Even when I was hoping it was the drug, there was part of me that was thankful it was you,” Wufei told him. “Even when I was worried about it ruining our friendship. And I realise now it wasn’t just because I was relieved it wasn’t Phillipou.” He hesitated, then looked at Duo, wanting it to be clear he meant what he said. “I like being in love with you. You are very easy to love.”

Duo blushed, looked away self-consciously. It felt strange to be so open with him about this, but there was also some relief there – this was what he had been working towards, this was a catharsis.

“Even when I disappear for three months?”

“You kept paying the rent,” Wufei told him. “I took that to mean you were planning on coming back. I hoped.”

Duo snorted again, and fell silent. They watched as the young girl by the pond emptied her bag of seeds and was swiftly whisked away by her parents as the ducks started trying to see if anything else on her was worth eating. Calm fell again as the flock dispersed.

“So Heero didn’t manage to cure you, then?”

“I think the only cure for this is time.” Wufei watched as Duo nodded thoughtfully. “I understand if you do want to look into alternative living arrangements. I don’t want to make things hard for you.”

“It’s not that. It’s just…” Duo paused, shook his head, then leaned forward where he sat, planting his feet squarely and resting his elbows on his knees, eyes fixed on the floor. He started to speak again a few more times, but cut himself off before he could begin each time.

Wufei waited patiently, prepared for how this was going to go. The reaction three months ago had been pretty telling, as far as reciprocation of feelings meant. He’d had time to get used to the idea that Duo wasn’t interested. He had never even imagined Duo _would_ be interested, even through that first month when he had been battling with the drug. His fantasies had always been with the understanding that it would always be a fantasy, and he had made his peace with that, never expected anything more. Duo’s discovery of it had simply confirmed what he had known already.

But he knew Duo would need to say it, to get it off his chest. He would feel better having it out in the open. Maybe then they could start to move past this.

“This whole thing got me thinkin’,” Duo said, finally. “’Bout a lot of things I didn’t think I’d ever think about. And, just… How’d you _know_?”

“Know what?”

“How’d you know that you, y’know…” He trailed off, glanced at Wufei with a pained expression, and waved his hand between the two of them, trying to communicate his meaning without actually having to say the words. He hadn’t actually said it out loud yet since he arrived. “How did you know?” he asked again.

Sighing, Wufei pressed his lips together thoughtfully, and turned his gaze skyward, trying to organise his thoughts. He’d had plenty of time to consider this, rehashed the events repeatedly in his therapy over the past few months. The key now was only giving Duo the information he wanted, and not the surrounding effects which had come from it all.

“The first thing I noticed consciously was the physical attraction,” he said slowly. “When the narcotics had cleared my system, and I was capable of rational thought, I was suddenly very aware of the effects of the additional hormones, which were… emphatic. But when I looked back, I realised that as I was coming down, my reaction to you was different from previous occasions.”

Duo frowned at his thumbs.

“Different how?”

“The premise behind the drug was to cause me to conflate the positive feelings of care during my withdrawal with affection, and for me to direct that towards the person caring for me,” Wufei explained. “The psychology behind it is shaky at best, but… I did feel comforted when you were looking after me. More than the relief I have felt on previous extractions. It was… warmer.”

“Warmer?”

Duo looked really perplexed, and Wufei couldn't blame him.

“I just… I knew I was safe, and I felt like I was in exactly the right place with you there. I'm sorry, it's hard to explain. I didn't even notice that bit at first, because we were already so close.” He paused, and the chuckle he gave was rueful, a little bitter. “And that was why it worked so well. I already cared for you. The drug didn’t have to create feelings, it just had to… give them a new direction.”

There was a long silence, and then Duo made a frustrated noise and dropped his head abruptly, making Wufei jump. He buried his hands in his hair and inhaled deeply, like he was trying to work up to speaking.

“It’s just…” He cut himself off again, annoyed.

“It’s alright,” Wufei said. “You don’t have to say anything. I don’t expect anything from you.”

“It’s not about what you expect, it’s that I don’t know what _I_ want!” Duo blurted, looking up again at Wufei. Tension vibrated through his neck and shoulders, his eyes were pleading. When he realised he had startled Wufei, he closed his eyes, took a deep breath and forced himself back under control. “I hadn’t - I hadn’t thought about this sort of thing at all. With _anyone_. Jesus, things were just… fine as they were.”

He started bouncing one leg again, full of nervous energy, like he was trying to gee himself up. All Wufei could do was watch, suddenly feeling… something coiling through his chest. Anxiety? Hope?

“But then, when I thought you were sick I started panicking - _really_ panicking. I can’t… I can’t explain why, but it wasn’t normal. And then…” He stopped, looked to the sky, then turned to back Wufei. “I hadn’t thought about a relationship with anyone, and then I’ve spent the last three months thinking about one with you, and I don’t know how I’d know if that’s even what I want.”

There wasn’t much Wufei could think to say to that, as Duo paused and looked at him, as if expecting Wufei to tell him exactly what he wanted and save him the trouble of indecision. But all he could do was sit there, and stare, as he was presented with a reaction he hadn’t ever considered. It had seemed so obvious to overlook it that he hadn’t even consciously realised he was.

And now. Now.

Duo was waiting for him to say something. But his mouth was dry and his throat had seized up.

This was a whole, new, and unexpected torture from this debacle.

“It’s just,” Duo continued, when he realised that no answer was forthcoming, “I felt… _betrayed_ when I found out how you felt, ‘cause I felt like you were ruinin’ something. But also ‘cause it hurt that you didn’t _want_ to feel that way about – about me. And that pissed me off, because why would I care that you didn’t want to want me? _I_ didn’t want you to want me, and I didn’t want _you_ …”

This was like a rollercoaster – one second Duo said something that sent thrills through him, and then the very next it felt like he was punched in the gut. It had been a while since Wufei’s emotions had been this bruised, and it was hard to sit there and preserve his calm. He felt his hands clench in his lap, the cover and pages of his book crumpling beneath them.

“But then I’ve missed you so much, since… I’ve missed living with you, and seeing you every day. And things have felt… wrong, but I don’t know why. I was hopin’ maybe you might be able to tell me something that made it clear, but I’m just more confused.”

“I’m… sorry,” Wufei offered, unsure what else to say.

“Can I kiss you?”

The question was blurted out, almost like it escaped before Duo could stop it, and he looked almost as stunned as Wufei by it. The words burst into being then dropped like a dead weight between them, leaving them staring awkwardly at each other.

“Excuse me?”

Duo had the good grace to look extremely embarrassed.

“You… you said that you knew things were different when the physical attraction kicked in. I’m still tryin’ to clear things up, and…” He trailed off as Wufei sat still, smoothing out the creases in his book - or attempting to, before sliding it into his jacket pocket.

“I don’t think that’s a good idea,” Wufei said, slowly.

“I’m sorry, I just-”

“I didn’t need physical contact to realise I was attracted to you,” he explained, cutting off Duo’s excuses. “It was just like I suddenly saw that you were attractive. I think we would be better just leaving things as they are, and trying to move on.”

“But that’s the _problem_ !” Duo insisted. “I’ve always known you were hot. I mean, I’ve got eyes…” Eyes which were suddenly, intently, tracking across Wufei’s face, lingering for a second, two, on his mouth, while Duo pulled his own lower lip between his teeth and worried it anxiously. “The problem - the problem is I’ve spent too long just _knowing_ it, and I can’t picture… It’s ‘look, don’t touch’, and it has been for so many years, I don’t know if… I can get past that, and if it meshes with what I’m feeling.”

The expression in Duo’s eyes as he was - still - looking at Wufei’s mouth strongly suggested otherwise. It suggested that even if he wasn’t consciously aware of being attracted to Wufei, something, somewhere in him knew exactly what he wanted. And he was looking at it like a starving man looks at a buffet.

Being looked at like that was terrifying and exhilarating in a way he had never felt before, and he was more than a little breathless. He was suddenly aware of being out of control, in a way he hadn’t been since Duo had left. His mouth was dry, and he instinctively wet his lips, only to have Duo’s eyes zone in on the movement with laser-focus.

He sat up from where he had hunched over, planting a hand on the bench between them and resting his weight on it as he turned, leaning more into Wufei’s space. Suddenly, it was as if they had the park to themselves. The far away noises of the handful of other people out on the early autumn afternoon faded into nothingness; the breeze which was rustling through the trees around them also carried Duo’s scent to him - strong and familiar, and just as heady as it had been three months ago.

“Please?” Duo asked, and it was more of a breath than a word, but he seemed to be leaning closer, or was Wufei turning to meet him? “If it doesn’t work out, we can go back to normal, but…”

Maybe he nodded, but he wasn’t entirely sure, because he had been watching Duo’s mouth, and struggling to hear anything over the sound of own heart pounding in his ears. There was a distant rasp of fabric against wood as one of them, maybe both, slid across the bench, closing the gap even further.

He wasn’t sure when he closed his eyes, it seemed to have happened without him realising, but then there was warm breath ghosting across his cheek, and the softest of touches across his lips. Soft, cautious, hesitant, and completely electric. The response through his body was astounding as he just relaxed helplessly forward into the kiss, his mouth softening and moving with Duo's to chase the sensation flooding through him.

Minutes could have passed, or hours, by the time Duo pulled away, slowly and reluctantly, even as Wufei tried to follow him. He sat for a long moment with his eyes still closed and his mouth open in a slight 'oh’ of surprise.

“Huh,” Duo said.

“What?”

“I just… I didn't think you would be like that,” Duo explained quietly, opening his eyes to look at Wufei with something like awe.

“Like what?” It was hard to think straight with the endorphins rushing through him, but alarm bells were starting to go off at the back of his head that he had done something wrong. Panic was rising.

“So… soft,” Duo breathed. “You just… melted into me.”

Wufei felt his face heat with embarrassment, ashamed at his undignified display, and he made to straighten up, put some space between them, but before he could, Duo’s hand covered his. Warm, rough, holding him in place.

“Can we try it again?”

He couldn’t quite suppress the smile tugging at his lips as he arched an eyebrow at Duo.

“You couldn’t work it out from the last one?”

Duo grinned back, a little goofy, and Wufei felt this strange, giddy feeling bubbling up inside him, making him want to laugh, even as he didn’t want to break the moment.

“Call it scientific rigour,” Duo murmured, and then he was swooping in again, all caution gone, and this kiss was a whole different sort of wonderful. Confident, enthusiastic and determined. One of Duo’s hands curled around his neck, thumb brushing along his jaw, whilst the other arm snaked around his waist, trying to pull him closer even as they were twisted on the bench, all awkward angles and knees in the way.

It was hard to care about that though, when all he could do was cling to Duo and hope that he was managing to convey even half of what he was feeling right now.

When they parted again, it was more triumphant, both of them smiling at each other and breathless.

“So,” Wufei said slowly, “does this mean you’re coming back home?”

“Two kisses and we’re already movin’ in together? You move fast.” Duo chuckled at the unimpressed look on Wufei’s face, brushed his thumb over his lips, making them tingle again. “Yeah. I think I am.”

“Good.” Wufei straightened up and sat properly against the bench, tugging his jacket straight again. “It’s your turn to do the dishes.”

Duo leaned back against the bench too, stretching his arms across the back, and by extension wrapping one around Wufei. It was warm against his back, and did nothing for the euphoria that was rushing through him, making him tremble.

“You’ve been saving that up since I left, haven’t you?” Duo asked.

“We have a rota for a reason.”

“Yeah,” Duo agreed, amicable and relaxed, his body pressed close against Wufei’s as they sat, watching the ducks paddling around on the pond in front of them oblivious to the emotional proceedings which had been taking place not twenty yards from where they were occupying themselves. “You’re right. It’ll be good to be home.”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And we are done!! Thank you so much to everyone who read and reviewed this, and as ever to Kangofu-cb for her beta reading and encouragement.


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